THE PERFECT HUSBAND

I share with you this that came in my email this morning... LMAO!!!

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.

A cell phone on a bench rings and

A man engages the hands free speaker function

And begins to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: 'Hello'

WOMAN: 'Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?'

MAN: 'Yes'

WOMAN: 'I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's
Only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?'

MAN: 'Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.'

WOMAN: 'I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2006
Models. I saw one I really liked.'

MAN: 'How much?'

WOMAN: '$90,000'

MAN: 'OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.'

WOMAN: 'Great! Oh, and one more thing...the house I wanted last year is back
On the market. They're asking $950,000'

M AN: 'Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will
Probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand if it's really a
Pretty good price.'

WOMAN: 'OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!'

MAN: 'Bye! I love you, too.'

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in
Astonishment, mouths agape.

He turns and asks: 'Anyone know who this phone belongs to?'

WITHDRAWING CASH THROUGH ATM

I got this piece when I checked my email a few minutes ago, fwdd from a sweet friend, Lisa... This shit is funny...

A sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.

MALE PROCEDURE

* Drive up to the cash machine.
* Put down your car window.
* Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
* Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
* Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
* Put window up.
* Drive off.


FEMALE PROCEDURE

* Drive up to cash machine.
* Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
* Set parking brake, put the window down.
* Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
* Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up
* Attempt to insert card into machine.
* Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
* Insert card.
* Re-insert card the right way.
* Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
* Enter PIN.
* Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN. l
* Enter amount of cash required.
* Check makeup in rear view mirror.
* Retrieve cash and receipt.
* Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
* Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of cheque book.
* Re-check makeup.
* Drive forward 2 feet.
* Reverse back to cash machine.
* Retrieve card.
* Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
* Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
* Restart stalled engine and pull off.
* Redial person on cell phone.
* Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
* Release Parking Brake.