Sunday, March 30, 2008

How dysfunctional is dysfunctional?

Lie was made for those who can't handle the truth, and religion for those who wants the best of both worlds. - unNaked Soul

Left to us, a great number of humans would rather not grow old. we would rather remain youthful for the rest of our lives. But nature cannot be dragged into the senseless belief or ideas that has plagued humanity since the begining of existence. Whether we like it or not, she has a set of rules for a perfect existence and you shall abide by it choice or by force. And the consequences of disobeying is as not half as terrifying as watching someone about to pill your balls or cut your cunt with a surgical blade and no anaesthetic.

If I live a thousand years and a day, I could change the world, but I can never be able to change one thing: Family - the true meaning written only with blood. I come from a below middle class family. Despite the fact that my parents worked a good number of their lives in a brilliant paying job at the same multinational corporation does not make me classify my family as average. Little did I know I was only looking at my family from a distance.

I lived disconnected from my family for most of my life. I love my family from a distance. What the hell is that? I don't know myself, but its the smartest thing I could come up with for this whatmacallit. Since my childhood years, I've been having this rather disturbing image of what and where I want my family to be. And when my family doesn't fit into that frame, I gravitate a virtual inch away from the consciousness that is my family. Now mutiply that number by the number of times an unconventional dreaming individual can paint an opium-feel image of what the "ideal" family should be like. A processor crashing number.

I hated the fact that I have to work extra hard in my head to be closer to what I wish for as "family", only to get knocked into a camera filled stage with the hard light of reality burning through my soul, editing my dream like a badly cut documentary. And I spent most of my known life building these dreams while I drifted off the shores of reality. I read once that "You have to wake up to turn dreams to reality". I slept my bond away.

I also pictured my family as a dysfunctional one. It wasn't as a result of what my family did, but what my family didn't do. I wanted a perfect, walt disney type family. I hear they come in a pack with optional cousins, uncle, and aunt on ebay from $20.99. I have been affected by this in so many ways that if I start to list them I might end up having self-pity-sex just to escape depression from just staring at the Nile long list. By the way, a fantatic method to getting rid of depression. Better than lithium laced ice-cream I promise you.

I am slowly waking up to the realization that my hiltler approach to building a perfect family is totally suicidal. After so much traveling around and living with different families from the lower to upper class, plus a few burning bush moments, I bought into the school of thought that every family is dysfunctional. I reckon mine is just a statistics in a world made up of dysfunctional families.

Having drifted so far away, I'm walking and working back to my family essense. Appreciating my family as it is, embracing every flaw and shortcomings as I have only one life-chance to righting my family by blood. It's gonna take a while, but I'll get there.

I reckon the most successful families are those who are able to manage their dyfunctionalities without spinning off the orbit of their essense, while they revolve and evolve together. They are the ideal family.

Labels: , ,

Saturday, March 22, 2008

SSSHH, It's just 69

My dear friend Tooch lost his mother a few days ago. Everything is so odd. In my head she still lives. While she was at the hospital, I choose not to visit her because of her condition. I wanted my memory of her to be a healthy one. She's too sweet to be stored as anything else. Once she accepts you, she regard you as her own, so motherly. God bless her soul.

"Sex" isn't overrated, some people are just simply obsessed with it more than others. For me its a different story. I love sex, there is no twist in it. Over the last few moments, I had a sudden "epiphany" (truely seriously, a stiff realization), that I have explored most of my teenage/post teenage sexual fantasies (yes, plus threesome... and don't don't ask me what form), and what I truely crave for is fulfilment, connection (on my part and my partner as well).

"Success" isn't overrated. Some people just suck at it or just give up in the greasing process. I want to be fucking successful. The whole works: Money, Fame, Knowledge (in the areas I love), and most important Family. To put an orgasm to this whole success thing, I want happiness.

"Sorry" is over abused. Some people just don't mean it. Some people just drop it like a 60 second sex with no orgasm and rollover to sleep. Some just fake it because they can't deal with the drama. While some (very few) drop it like the first meaningful "I love you".

"How are you" is over abused. It comes with a very shallow "fine". Many people don't care how you truely are. It is as good as say "Holy Fucking Christ!" It is not blashempy, yet it is no praise. Simply empty, with an empty response (and a smile maybe). Many of us are just afraid of sharing how we truely feel because some fool would use it as a theme for their next tea party sitcom episode.

"Humanity" is enough spirituality for me. The things I can't see is handled by the things I imagine. My unSpoken abilities and that which is hidden in every mass of existence in our visible and imaginative being is my my my.

I have 69 things to do this year, I'll give pleasure and receive in return. A unit or two selfless deeds and then tens of selfish ones.

Just think about it. What's the count on your to dos list?

69 anyone?

Labels: ,

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

R for Orgasm

There is a thing in everything. - Spoken Thought

I woke up this morning with a stretch and it was harder than normal. I looked down there just to figure out why. No clue so I lazily grabbed the control with my hand. Click came on style network, the last channel that was on the night before.

All of a sudden, that feeling started gathering. I knew that was the reason. It couldn't have been another. It has always been a tradition for me. I like the pour. The rush of emotion it brings. I love the soothing after effect. The loud moans can be heard across an entire geographical region. The sparks of excitment as excited electrons clashes, caressing the very softness of the blues causing it to turn dark. Oh I love it when its wet. Don't you? Ok, maybe not so wet. Just ok wet. Just enough to get things all greased up. It gets the fire in my system burning. I am at my peak during this period. It brings me new inspirations and success.

Afterwards, I took a whiff of it. I love the smell, that particular smell. I love the taste of it, that particular tastless taste. *sigh*

This morning. it rained.

P.S. I wonder which of the six hundred and sixty-six demons dey worry that person wey dey call me names. Becareful oh, I carry holy water oh!

Labels: ,