Sunday, March 30, 2008

How dysfunctional is dysfunctional?

Lie was made for those who can't handle the truth, and religion for those who wants the best of both worlds. - unNaked Soul

Left to us, a great number of humans would rather not grow old. we would rather remain youthful for the rest of our lives. But nature cannot be dragged into the senseless belief or ideas that has plagued humanity since the begining of existence. Whether we like it or not, she has a set of rules for a perfect existence and you shall abide by it choice or by force. And the consequences of disobeying is as not half as terrifying as watching someone about to pill your balls or cut your cunt with a surgical blade and no anaesthetic.

If I live a thousand years and a day, I could change the world, but I can never be able to change one thing: Family - the true meaning written only with blood. I come from a below middle class family. Despite the fact that my parents worked a good number of their lives in a brilliant paying job at the same multinational corporation does not make me classify my family as average. Little did I know I was only looking at my family from a distance.

I lived disconnected from my family for most of my life. I love my family from a distance. What the hell is that? I don't know myself, but its the smartest thing I could come up with for this whatmacallit. Since my childhood years, I've been having this rather disturbing image of what and where I want my family to be. And when my family doesn't fit into that frame, I gravitate a virtual inch away from the consciousness that is my family. Now mutiply that number by the number of times an unconventional dreaming individual can paint an opium-feel image of what the "ideal" family should be like. A processor crashing number.

I hated the fact that I have to work extra hard in my head to be closer to what I wish for as "family", only to get knocked into a camera filled stage with the hard light of reality burning through my soul, editing my dream like a badly cut documentary. And I spent most of my known life building these dreams while I drifted off the shores of reality. I read once that "You have to wake up to turn dreams to reality". I slept my bond away.

I also pictured my family as a dysfunctional one. It wasn't as a result of what my family did, but what my family didn't do. I wanted a perfect, walt disney type family. I hear they come in a pack with optional cousins, uncle, and aunt on ebay from $20.99. I have been affected by this in so many ways that if I start to list them I might end up having self-pity-sex just to escape depression from just staring at the Nile long list. By the way, a fantatic method to getting rid of depression. Better than lithium laced ice-cream I promise you.

I am slowly waking up to the realization that my hiltler approach to building a perfect family is totally suicidal. After so much traveling around and living with different families from the lower to upper class, plus a few burning bush moments, I bought into the school of thought that every family is dysfunctional. I reckon mine is just a statistics in a world made up of dysfunctional families.

Having drifted so far away, I'm walking and working back to my family essense. Appreciating my family as it is, embracing every flaw and shortcomings as I have only one life-chance to righting my family by blood. It's gonna take a while, but I'll get there.

I reckon the most successful families are those who are able to manage their dyfunctionalities without spinning off the orbit of their essense, while they revolve and evolve together. They are the ideal family.

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Blogger Sparkle said...

Very thoughtful post...

"I reckon the most successful families are those who are able to manage their dyfunctionalities without spinning off the orbit of their essense, while they revolve and evolve together. They are the ideal family."
I think that sums everything up!

March 31, 2008 8:52 AM  
Blogger Olamild said...

GOod title Good question

I know the feeling
When one doesn't meet up with the standard you set
you push them away or
stay away from them

They do say blood is thicker than water. Family is blood. No matter how far away you are, you are close to them in hearts. I'm glad you're learning to embrace what you have/appreciate it...

What's nothing to us is gold to others.

March 31, 2008 10:11 AM  
Blogger Arewa said...

Definately agree with ur statment : Every family is dysfunctional. We just have to work with what/who we are given as family and do the best we can once when we start to build our own families with our chosen ones. Good post.

March 31, 2008 10:46 AM  
Blogger bumight said...

your last paragraph rings true... and I'm glad u're thinking about these things, because our experiences in a way help shape our future. I've learnt so many things from my family. Things I want my future family to be like and otherwise.

March 31, 2008 11:44 AM  
Blogger Sting said...

This is deep. It took me a second, but now i love my dysfunctional family. U r right when u say every family is dysfunctional. It all depends on how u define functional.

March 31, 2008 4:51 PM  
Blogger guerreiranigeriana said...

take home message-your last paragraph...very well stated...well done...very thoughtful and insightful...i see you still managed to slip sex in there;)'re good...

March 31, 2008 8:56 PM  
Blogger plastiQ said...


April 01, 2008 10:21 AM  
Blogger Ms. Catwalq said...

Hmnnnn, where do I begin?

There isn't any family without its moments of dysfunction. This is simply because the family is made up of individuals and not one person and when you merge so many personalities under one name, you are bound to have fodder for Super Story...

I don't expect perfection from people. I just don't want them to be worse off in personality than I am...

April 01, 2008 5:42 PM  
Blogger dolly said...


April 02, 2008 8:12 AM  
Blogger OluwaDee said...

Yep! evry fam is dysfunctional dysfunctional ones live above d dysfunctionalities.

9c post.

April 02, 2008 8:28 AM  
Blogger ibiluv said...

every family is dysfunctional
i love mine
flaws and all and i will not ask for change for whatever reason
our flaws make us special

glad to know u have had a rethink about urs

April 03, 2008 2:00 AM  
Blogger Jaybabe said...

In too deep.

But whether disfunctional or not, family is family. No way to run.

Very thoughtful post mann!

How you dey?

April 03, 2008 4:00 AM  
Blogger Sasuke said...

there is a divine plan or reason for us being born into the kind of family we have. we might not necessarily always have a bed smothered with rose petals when it comes to our various families but its important we learn out to manage and appreciate the kind of families we have.

nice post

April 03, 2008 8:07 AM  
Blogger Tears said...

WOW! nice post...was here >>>

April 04, 2008 4:23 AM  
Blogger The Last King Of Scotland said...

"I reckon the most successful families are those who are able to manage their dyfunctionalities without spinning off the orbit of their essense, while they revolve and evolve together. or maybe the ones that can HIDE their dyfunctionalities the best!

April 04, 2008 8:03 PM  
Blogger Today's ranting said...

Nice post. It's So insightful. The perfect family exists only as an ideology. Problems are inevitable in families but the ability to manage them is what makes them perfect and functional

April 05, 2008 3:51 AM  
Blogger gishungwa said...

Family to me is all he drama, chaos, tears, laughter, love, unity, disunity and still staying together. Mine's full of drama but i am learning to take it all in stride plus it makes for good memories when we all meet.

April 08, 2008 7:03 AM  
Blogger fantasy queen said...

bravo...loved the last paragraph, i hope i'm right to say that sums up my family for me.

there were moments i wished we were more like the huxtables. but even they had problems, thus i realised we are better as we are, and we can only walk through thoses little hitches to get where we want to and still be a bunch intact.

April 08, 2008 11:57 AM  
Blogger ablackjamesbond said...

"I reckon the most successful families are those who are able to manage their dyfunctionalities without spinning off the orbit of their essense, while they revolve and evolve together. They are the ideal family."
...very true. Apt.

April 09, 2008 12:14 AM  
Blogger Bold and Beautiful said...

Well written!
My family is a crazy bunch but i love them crazily!

April 09, 2008 2:09 AM  
Blogger wellsbaba said...

well.I think u hav gone throu d process evry matured mind went throu...1st u hav dis idea ow u want ur family to b lyk then u finally accept'em,revolve wit'em n make d best of' are our blood,we cant change'em or run frm'em!(dnt eva make dat mistake!)

April 09, 2008 12:22 PM  
Blogger Vera Ezimora said...

Dysfunctional is you. You are dysfunctional, UnNaked. Yeye child.

April 09, 2008 6:08 PM  
Blogger Vera Ezimora said...

Xcuse me, Sir, but when are you planning on updating?? Oya, hurry!

Meanwhile, I just replied your comment.

...And uhm, I just updated my other blog - the one I update frequently. Make u sheck am.

April 16, 2008 11:39 PM  
Blogger Aphrodite said...

No family is perfect.We just accept them the way they are and make something good out of it.
Nice blog, my first time here BTW.

April 18, 2008 6:58 AM  
Blogger Jaybabe said...

Passed by checking for an update.

April 19, 2008 1:59 AM  
Blogger Uzezi said...

leave perfection to God

April 19, 2008 6:21 AM  
Blogger desperate lady said...

k k K i knw if i ask u shall ans so here we go:

babe here i am with love, kisses and hugs pleadin 4 u to update...............................................................would u accept ma plea babe??????

April 19, 2008 8:21 PM  
Blogger desperate lady said...

*will* damn i'm so sleepy but cos i got love 4 ur fine self, i decided to leave a comment b4 goin to bed which isnt fair to ma sleep....sighs*

April 19, 2008 8:22 PM  
Blogger naijalines said...

Insightful. 'Like your blog, bro. (I'm assuming you're a guy). I like the non-conformist in you. Very hard to do - particularly in a naija context - and blogsville is no exception.

April 22, 2008 1:56 PM  
Blogger Free-flowing Florida said...

my dear, believe compared 2 walt disney, every damn family is dysfunctional

April 29, 2008 7:30 AM  

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