Thursday, April 12, 2007

Random Blabing

The situation in Naija is killing me oh. Over the last three months, there has been approximately 200hrs of electricity. Keeping all of us in darkness. Even deve (devil) no like darkness; why you thinks say fire dey for hell? When Baba Godeh (God) throw deve enter hell, the place dark. My guy shout "shoou! this place dark oh! abeg, make una gather stick make we start fire. I wan see where I dey go." No be small matter. Even Papa Godeh sef no like darkness. Remember say the first thing wey he shout make dem do when he enter earth see say the place dark, na "make una on that light!" This na true gist, ask dem.

What is the matter with this babe? I was browsing the internet jejely oh. I came across Hi5. I like. I register. I enter profile info. I upload picture. I flirt around a bit. I chill out. Well, one day, I saw a phone number from a girl who thinks am cute (how?). Well as truely unNaked, I picked up my phone, pin pin pin pin pin... I dialed. From there I no rest again. She thinks my voice is sweet (hen?), she thinks am cute (God bless photoshop!). I've never meet this babe, but she loves me pass her mama. She'll text, call, flash, gprs, gps, satellite, sun me. My head come dey swell like hausa pof-pof. She say make we see, I say ok. On the tragic day of our meeting, her father died! Ewo! which kain gist be this. Can't he choose a better day to die? I could be a demon oh, but there's a light hidden inside me somehow. The light said, call her repeatedly and console her. I listened. I do. I called. Plenty times. I worry too. After like three calls, she no gree pick phone again. I come fashi, at least no be me die. She come begin text me, that I should call her, stating that she's using a business centre phone to send the text. So I called her phone. We talked, but every time I asked about the situation in her house, she cuts the phone. I'll redial, and she'll apologize and blame the network (very convenient thing to do). After a while she switched off her phone. I smelt a cockroach (I can smell that shit from afar, very irritating smell. I hate cockroaches... sorry insect right activists). Then my IU (Intelligence Unit) sent intel stating that the business centre phone should be dialed. Buzibodi, I called.

A man picked up with phone and said "Hello".
I said "Good evening sir, someone called my on this number, and am trying to figure out who the person is."
He said "Sorry, this phone belongs to Mr. O#%@?"
I said "Oh Ok. Thank you sir. Sorry for bothering you."
He said "No problem. Good night."

click!

I come dey wonder, instead of to go sleep jeje, this guy bears the same lastname as this babe. Since the father is dead, maybe the son has resumed immediate role of his father, and decided to receive all calls as him. Well, tough shit, but heck, it ain't mine. So I decided to call again, and ask for W*&%^#.

ring ring ring

He said "hello"
I said "Sorry to bother you sir, but I'll like to know if you know of any W*&%^# O#%@?
He said "Am her Father"
Very puzzled I said "Oh sorry sir, My name is unNaked, I bet she tried reaching me through your phone. Really sorry to bother you. Am just trying to confirm. Good night sir.
He said" Good night"

The b%$@h lied! Her father is ALIVE. I hold my toto put hand for head. WOMEN! The cunt killed her father even before he died. holy pussy juice!

I stopped calling, and she perhaps got the message. She kept smsing, flashing, ecetera-ing, but I no respond.Then after like 5months, I decided to pick her call. The thing done too much, and as per spirit of Christmas. She apologized (na today? I've got a Nobel prize for apologizing). I said ok (e no hard now, abi? My teeth go still remain 27). I never returned any of her call, and she kept making pussy promises (only if she knows how gay I am towards those promises).

So last week Friday, she sent a text saying she wants to see me. That she loves me, miss me,kiss me, and-all-the-other-things me. I said Omo na wa oh. After all these months (9), and you no know if I be Lucifer sef, you dey love. ok.

I come dey wonder. Make I change my phone? I said NO! plenty people get this number, and I can't go through the process of broadcasting my new number just because I dey run from one babe. She no worth am. I shenk'd. But the babe case dey fear me oh. The story long pass this one, but my hand dey pain me, and am missing something in my life... Wetin man go do now?

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17 Comments:

Blogger omohemi Benson said...

1st
I shall return

April 12, 2007 9:58 AM  
Blogger omohemi Benson said...

NEPA is major pain.
With the elections closerthan yesterday,it is now worse.

The babe lied about her father's death? haba! wetin be that?
Bar her number from your phone or just make it clear,you don't want her palava any more abi?

Hi5,I met a friend through it,but it been a while I updated my profile or even used it.

April 12, 2007 10:05 AM  
Blogger Idemili said...

I don't understand why some people do that. Don't they like their parents? I mean, I know some people have problems with theirs but dang! After all the suffering to send you to school and what not, you kill him even before he has the time to enjoy?

Some people are heartless!

April 12, 2007 10:08 AM  
Blogger urban butterfly said...

I love your writing. It reminds me of Krio they speak in Sierra Leone. Beautiful.

That's terrible that she told you her father died. I don't understand why anyone would do such a thing. Words are powerful. You're right. She killed him before he died. That's sad.

I would NEVER talk to a person like that again. But, that's just me!

Thanks for stopping by!

April 12, 2007 11:19 AM  
Blogger temmy tayo said...

Lol at the silly gal.
She may be right for all you know.

April 12, 2007 1:28 PM  
Blogger Waffarian said...

Heheheheeh! bros, heheheh, abeg no kill me with laughter today oh! which kain yarns be this one? you try oh! heheheh, abeg, i no fit write, laugh wan kill me for here..... hahahahah.

April 12, 2007 4:40 PM  
Blogger dairy of a G said...

yo quick fast check my blog out ASAP

April 12, 2007 5:15 PM  
Blogger Simply Gorgeous said...

My beloved unnaked, what will I ever do without you... enough sweet talk for today... this nbabe done pass craze.. leave her and run for the hills anybody who says her father is dead, can kill..

Run unnaked, run...

April 12, 2007 7:35 PM  
Blogger JJ said...

LMAO!!! You got yourself a stalker mate! Very funny story, what was she hoping to achieve with that father died skit? Your sympathy? Shio, o ti go. Well u believed her sha...

April 12, 2007 10:10 PM  
Blogger UnNaked Soul said...

@everyone: m-e-n I fear fear oh. what some people can do.

April 13, 2007 6:37 AM  
Blogger Ugo Daniels said...

omg, did she really said her father has died. This is the height of stupidity and idiocy.

Watever did she hope to gain from that. Na wao to chicala's ooo

April 14, 2007 10:58 AM  
Blogger Surviving with Truth said...

lol this post is funny. the girl obviously has issues lol
nice blog- by the way, what does "shenk'd" mean?

April 15, 2007 6:10 AM  
Blogger Kpakpando said...

unnaked, good for you, next time you won't talk to strangers with nice pictures on hi5.

and yes Nepa wan kill me... I think part of the reason we talk so loudly is because from a young age we're deafened by the sound of the generator and we're forced to speak loudly to be heard.

April 16, 2007 8:25 AM  
Blogger Calabar Gal said...

Stay awayfrom Hi5. I cant fathom for the life of me what joy you guys find there. Everyone there seems to be blowing one major lie or the other to each other.

Nepa in Naija is really terrible. My sister has complained about it too.

April 16, 2007 1:32 PM  
Blogger Flaky said...

Omigosh, she actually lied about her father's death, thats just plan wrong. Hi5 is quite dodgy, I thought it was only the guys that has K-leg. True oh, say away from Hi5 if you are so desperate for a community type site Facebook is the safest option.

April 17, 2007 1:56 PM  
Blogger UnNaked Soul said...

am through with online socializing... anything else is just mind game...

April 17, 2007 2:56 PM  
Blogger catwalq said...

UNNAKED NA WAH 4 U!!!
I have been asking myself what kind of people leave me marriage proposals on HI5 and here I am reading the blog of someone who just might answer them
Ramdom chick hollers at u, u throw all stories of otokoto, HIV AIDS, missing Yaba Psych patients etc and call her number. Then u are surprised say she kill her papa with mouth. HI5 is a site for Naija stalkers men...quite unstable fellows and fellow-rettes.

April 22, 2007 8:58 PM  

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