Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Some Weddings are made of these

Have you ever thought about this for a moment? Imagine at a wedding ritual:

Presiding Officer: Dear Lord(?), we are gathered here today to witness the joing of X & O in holy(?) matrimony yada yada yada... If you have any vows please do recite them...

Groom: (thots/action: balls sweating. is this neccessary?)

Bride: (thots: You berra have something nice to say, else...)

Groom: uhm... O, bla bla bla bla (after sipping enough champagne or paraga - as the case may be - the night before, while thinking of the nasty fuck he had during his B-Eve his pallies organized for him)

Bride: (smiling like a lottery winner, and nodding like agama lizard wey fall from 10 storey building)

Bride: X... bla bla bla (sweet words just to make her chief brides maid burst a boob and die with envy) (Thots: bitch, why did you think I choose you as my chief brides maid? To of course ridicule your single ass with a grand celebration, and remind you that I beat your sorry ass to 'legal' screwing)

Parents of X & O: (smiling sheepishly like an olopa who has been tipped with N100, while looking to see if their invited guest whose kid hasn't gotten the ring yet ain't dozing away)

Presiding Officer: Repeat after me... For berra, For woss...

Bride: (thots: akoba! you dey swear for us ni? it berra not get woss...) For berra, For woss...

Groom: (thots: MFK! wo woman, you berra pray it doesn't woss, cos I won't hesitate to pimp you or take you do owo. the choice is yours) For berra, For woss..

Presiding Officer: For Risha, For Pora

Bride: (thots: you berra stay rich. bo ya lo mo. Jide, Emeka, and Umar dey on queue.) For Risha, For Pora (Ewo! Remain small I for talk say For Recharge, For Bora)

Groom: (thots: omo, hope you add prayer join that your yan?) For Risha, For Pora

Presiding Officer: In siknes, In Hellt...

Bride: (thots: Yeee! I forget to do HIV test this morning sha! What if this MFK has gone to ko gbo gbo jagbajantis from lastnight? shit, I forgot to use CD with richard last night. put you shit together girl!) In siknes, In Hellt...

Groom: (thots: wait oh! shei, I used a CD last night? oh gbosa! was too drunk to remember... I think I used...) In Siknes, In hellt...

Presiding Officer: Till death do us part...

Bride: (thots: abi na swear? na by force?) Till death do us part...

Groom: (thots: so convenient for you to say abi... well patapata, I go take fulltime aristo degree with honours) Till death do us part...

Presiding Officer: If there is anyone here who would not want these two couples to be joined togther, please speak now or forever hold your peace... (MFK, they were not invited)

Bride: (thots/action: heart beating fast... what is this man waiting for now? why is he asking such a stupid question sef? *hiss*)

Groom: (thots/action: heart beating fast... I hope dem girls gorked my vacation in sokoto story?)

Presiding Officer: By the one thing one thing one thing, I now pronouced you man and wife... you may kiss the bride

Both: (LTAO! Only if this guy know wetin we don do, he for talk say, you may shag the bride... in public... ignorance is bliss!)

LMAO! unNaked must be going WACKO! LOL! But seriously, I wanna know: Why is it that when we naija peeps get to the 'you may kiss the bride' part, dem go dey do like say dem no sabi kiss, weras, we sabi straff pass rabbit on heat? Oh! You no want make you poosie or momsie burst a vessel? well, you have a point... NOT!!! But heck, I love knowing that people are getting married, even though I've never been to a wedding before... I only see people doing it on TV...

unNaked soul, Over & Out...

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8 Comments:

Blogger tiwalade said...

Dis is too funny gosh!which kain wereh husband and wife are these? I'm sure they exist but my future husband better not be from the same mould as them!

March 07, 2007 12:35 PM  
Blogger Naija Vixen said...

hilarious!!!i'll never be able to keep a str8 face at weddings anymore;-)

March 08, 2007 11:53 AM  
Blogger Simply Gorgeous said...

Unnaked- You are too strangely funny. you have reached the height of your craziness. Good reading though.

March 09, 2007 5:35 AM  
Blogger UnNaked Soul said...

te he he he he... am crazy like that... random madness (RM)

March 09, 2007 11:30 AM  
Blogger Idemili said...

LOL @ 'Nasty fuck'

March 09, 2007 3:02 PM  
Blogger Nyemoni said...

My God, from where do you get your inspiration, may I ask? Nice post anyhow...

March 12, 2007 9:43 AM  
Blogger UnNaked Soul said...

lol... my head is like a playing ground... got swings, football pitch, swimming pool, merry-go-round, and an ice cream shop... he he he

March 12, 2007 10:05 AM  
Blogger Chameleon said...

LMAO.....

March 14, 2007 2:00 PM  

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